I'm not going to lie, the end of February sucked. Like, one of the worst weeks of my life kind of sucked. I unexpectedly lost my dog of 14 years due to a random, freak accident while I was traveling and I've been really, really sad.

There's something so weird about feeling sad while being chronically online. I feel like I have all of these expectations and opportunities that have been given to me based solely on my ability to take pretty pictures of and write semi-compelling thoughts about books. It's such a strange, special thing I've built over the last 6 years and I'm constantly worried that it's going to just slip away.

So, whenever I'm feeling burnt out or need a brain-break, that gets compounded by the guilt I feel towards myself, my partners, my supporters for not being "on". On top of that, when you're in the business of social media, if you're not growing, you're shrinking. I took a week off from posting and immediately lost 100 followers on instagram and my reach/views/interactions have plummeted this week.

You've also probably noticed that I haven't been doing as many videos recently. I've always felt iffy by the idea of showing my face online, but know that that's the kind of content this industry thrives on. I just get so fatigued trying to film and edit myself, so I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. And, I think my success has suffered because of that. But, do I care? I don't actually know.

I started this post with the intent of doing a February wrap-up, but then it turned into whatever this little monologue has been. And, yet, this feels more authentic than anything I've said over the last few weeks.

I'm not sure what the purpose of this was other than to say that I'm freaking tired. And I appreciate those of you who have followed me and supported me through the ups and downs and changes in platforms and content and all the things. More than you know.